Sucked Up By A Tornado

Everyone hates Nebraska...or anyone who has had to drive through Nebraska has found themselves staring down the barrel of a gun, praying that God will release his wrath on some other unknowing traveler. But actually, Nebraska wasn't all that bad. We had pretty good weather the whole way through, it was just the tail end, like the last 102 hours of Nebraska that drug on, that's all. There was actually this huge cloud hanging over us, literally not metaphorically, that ended right at the boarder of Nebraska and Wyoming. As I drove across that line and into the sunshine, I wondered if people from Wyoming ever stand on the state boarder and just point and laugh at Nebraskans. Anyways, as we drove into the sun and blue skies I could see the dark grey gloom in the rearview mirror, and for some reason started thinking about tornados. I looked over at my wife, beautiful as ever, she looked back with a loving smile and a flutter of the eyelashes, completely earning all of the love and affection she was expecting to come out of my mouth...and then I asked her...what do you think it would be like to be picked up by a tornado, not like in a car, but just like standing there and then OH MY GOD I'M IN A TORNADO?!?! Her smile drooped, she blinked slowly, and responded with a lethargic "I don't know babe." I kind of feel like this trip, leaving home and family, is kind of what it would be like to be picked up by a tornado. You are standing there, completely unexpecting, surrounded by safety and security. You have money in the bank and a steady income, a great community around you, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and a place to hang your hat. Then comes the tornado. The wind starts to pick up, your hair starts blowing and pieces of debris are flying at you. You are squinting because you know something is coming but you can't quite see what it is. Then you are airborn, you kick and reach with your feet as your shoes scrape the gravel for the last time you look like a dog being suspended just above the surface of the water. Now you are flying around in this vortex, weightless, an old shoe hits you in the face, you can barely see through all the things flying around you but your house is being destroyed, people are fleeing at incredible speeds in their automobiles, and you can't catch your breath. You close your eyes and feel the power around you, knowing that the odds are against you, that there is a pretty good chance you won't land on your feet but find yourself smashed through someone's windshield or scraped across the pavement. But for that moment while you are suspended, twisted, twirling, completely weightless, you find peace in your soul and remember that you are cradled in the hands of God, and you realize the tornado doesn't even exist. You open your eyes, you feel your wife's hand in yours, and then slam on the brakes because you were just sleeping for the last five miles you idiot.
Gerald