This isn't over yet.

We have been here for 5 days and because the world hasn't fallen into my lap, I get feelings of doubt and discouragement. I have prayed and listened to the Lord and each time I do there is this silence. My mind begins to race and my thoughts drown out the fact that I am blessed. We have been given an opportunity many would never dare take, or even dream of. Not because they are bad people but rather they have other dreams and ambitions.

Nate and Shyle have been an amazing and incredible support. Not only have they extended their home to us, but their lives and let us enter in and take a few glances around for ourselves. Sure, they have a great place and all the love you can imagine between a married couple. BUT, that wasn't without a fight...a fight to trust God and endure times when things got scary and lonely. This couple is the prime example of staring down fate and saying, "This isn't over yet."

I talked to my parents this evening and something came out of my mouth that I never thought would, I said, "Gerald and I both know that God led us out here, for reasons we aren't quite sure yet... but either way we have both grown and this part of our path will be used... no matter the outcome."

That's not so bad you say, but you see I am a person with a point to prove. I like to come out successful and without a scratch. But I believe the point may be,that God didn't put me on this earth to live in my safety net and contend with only my problems. He gave me a heart to serve and have compassion for others and in order to better understand I need to get my feathers ruffled a little bit more and to learn how to truly have faith when this control I think I have actually doesn't exist.

madly deeply,
bekah

   /kənˈtroʊl/ Show Spelled

You hear that?

I am sitting on the balcony of our hotel room which is a fantastic view of the Pacific Ocean. Walking out is a mere one hundred yards. When Bekah went to get breakfast, Lilley and I decided to go for a walk down to the shore. There is a path that leads out there, starting out concrete, then becoming gravel, and then the gravel becomes just a small narrow dirt footpath. Lil is eager to press on, she probably smells something I don't, or rather I am distracted by the smell of a slow burning pile of wood-chips. They say that smell is the strongest sense tied to memory, and right now I am remembering up north, Grandpa and Grandma's house. I inhale slowly and deeply as to take in every last detail of my memory...memories are bitter sweet. As Lil and I continue down the path there is a blend of tall beach grass, pine shrubs, and a seasoning of yellow and blue wild flowers. We approach a slight incline and I start to feel the cool breeze blowing off the crashing waves. The waves provide a dule grumble of background noise until you can see them and how fierce they actually are. The beach isn't the tan/whitish sand I am use to, it is a darker grey almost black sand speckled with rocks and pebbles. There is an angry seagul talking to me, Lil looks at him calmly, her nose moving back and forth as to capture his scent, then I wonder why I assume it is a he...so I look...I can't tell, its so much easier with dogs. I take some video of the waves to show Nate when we get to San Diego, the notice the spring in Lilley's step. Though I am not prepared for a run in any way, I take off at a sprint down the beach. I know I can barely run fast enough to let Lil open it up but she is flying. It happens in slow motion honestly, she isn't doing the medium paced trot where there is always a leg or two on the ground, she is flying. At times all legs off the ground, back legs springing her forward and front ones reaching out just as far as they'll go. I could die now in peace. I have to stop because I am just about dying and Lil is looking at me like..."seriously, that's it?" I tell her she sounds like her mom then I take a seat on a log. The things I am seeing are things I use to look at pictures of and wonder if they actually exist, the intricacy of the design and the endlessness of the wonder. I could sit and look at these waves and be in awe for years and still not have them figured out. When we were driving yesturday I was anxious and had kind of an attitude with Bekah, because she wouldn't take pictures when I asked her to. We fought about it a little bit because I was getting a little overbearing, so we sat in silence for a while, winding through mountains and tall pines, cruising along cliffs with views of the ocean. I realized I was getting anxious because I wanted her to take pictures because I didn't want to forget any of this. Honestly...I was getting anxious because I didn't want to forget any of this. How could I possibly forget even one little part of this glorious drive, this glorious beauty. I think I have a lot to learn from my wife. So today, we head south to the Redwood forest, and I am going to soak it all in, see it all, hear it all, but most importantly smell it all. Because someday I want to be walking down some path thousands of miles from here and catch a smell of this day, breath in slowly and deeply, and remember every detail.

Oregon...who knew?

Greetings from the Oregon Trail! Yeah, cheesy...I know. But truly, when I sit down to write on our blog my mind goes blank and my fingers are suddenly paralyzed. However, I will try my best to write as well as my husband. ;) What a talented guy I tell ya...
We drove through the majority of Oregon yesterday and it was incredible! Mountains, waterfalls, wild animals, flowers, majestic scenes in front of us and in the rear view mirror. Some would call this "God's Country."
It astounds me how small I am and how large this earth is. And I have only skimmed the surface! Gerald and I read in James 2 yesterday, about how WE are God's prized possession. I compare myself to the picturesque scenes that surround me, and it gives me an whole other understanding of Gods great love for me. 
Currently, we are crashed at my best friend Melissa's beautiful apartment in Portland, OR. It is fun to see how connected she is in the community and in Christ. Everywhere this girl lands, she just blossoms. I am very proud of her.
Please be praying for peace as Gerald and I continue on our trek and all the worldly things come crashing in on us...jobs,housing,SURVIVAL..you know little stuff.

madly deeply,
bekah

Sucked Up By A Tornado

Everyone hates Nebraska...or anyone who has had to drive through Nebraska has found themselves staring down the barrel of a gun, praying that God will release his wrath on some other unknowing traveler. But actually, Nebraska wasn't all that bad. We had pretty good weather the whole way through, it was just the tail end, like the last 102 hours of Nebraska that drug on, that's all. There was actually this huge cloud hanging over us, literally not metaphorically, that ended right at the boarder of Nebraska and Wyoming. As I drove across that line and into the sunshine, I wondered if people from Wyoming ever stand on the state boarder and just point and laugh at Nebraskans. Anyways, as we drove into the sun and blue skies I could see the dark grey gloom in the rearview mirror, and for some reason started thinking about tornados. I looked over at my wife, beautiful as ever, she looked back with a loving smile and a flutter of the eyelashes, completely earning all of the love and affection she was expecting to come out of my mouth...and then I asked her...what do you think it would be like to be picked up by a tornado, not like in a car, but just like standing there and then OH MY GOD I'M IN A TORNADO?!?! Her smile drooped, she blinked slowly, and responded with a lethargic "I don't know babe." I kind of feel like this trip, leaving home and family, is kind of what it would be like to be picked up by a tornado. You are standing there, completely unexpecting, surrounded by safety and security. You have money in the bank and a steady income, a great community around you, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and a place to hang your hat. Then comes the tornado. The wind starts to pick up, your hair starts blowing and pieces of debris are flying at you. You are squinting because you know something is coming but you can't quite see what it is. Then you are airborn, you kick and reach with your feet as your shoes scrape the gravel for the last time you look like a dog being suspended just above the surface of the water. Now you are flying around in this vortex, weightless, an old shoe hits you in the face, you can barely see through all the things flying around you but your house is being destroyed, people are fleeing at incredible speeds in their automobiles, and you can't catch your breath. You close your eyes and feel the power around you, knowing that the odds are against you, that there is a pretty good chance you won't land on your feet but find yourself smashed through someone's windshield or scraped across the pavement. But for that moment while you are suspended, twisted, twirling, completely weightless, you find peace in your soul and remember that you are cradled in the hands of God, and you realize the tornado doesn't even exist. You open your eyes, you feel your wife's hand in yours, and then slam on the brakes because you were just sleeping for the last five miles you idiot.
Gerald

The tricky part.

I thought I have faced hard times in my life...however, nothing has compared to the heartbreak I felt while leaving our family behind in my parents drive-way.
As you can imagine, we have had very mixed emotions thus far. But the majority of what I felt yesterday was an immense hurt leaving our loved ones behind.
Gerald and I had a great time driving yesterday, we were able to laugh, cry, and face the world together. I believe that is something every married couple should do. We know we have much more to go through both good and bad...but as we prayed together on our drive God opened our eyes to his beautiful creation and that we have much more to experience in our lives.
Even though it seemed to be the end of our comfort and security, it is the beginning of our lives trusting God with our entire beings.

madly deeply,
bekah

We're livin' in a charmed life.

You never realize how much STUFF you have until you begin to pack it into nice neat boxes. However, there is something very freeing knowing that we only have space for a few things as we make the trek to California.

It is exciting and very real that we have given up all of our security (job, house, family, and friends).

It hurts to think that we aren't going to be able to have the luxury to experience many of these common things of our lives that we've so easily taken for granted.
Many things run through my mind as I realize it is only a few short days until we leave and "ride off into the sunset..."

The biggest one of all is, what happens if we fail?
Why do we depend on our successes to know whether or not we are worth anything?

So clearly, I have some learning to do....

madly deeply,
bekah